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Turbulence
Here's a
tale of Billy Hays from out near Alice Springs
A wild young fellow, he'd done some crazy things
He'd bucked bulls over fences, rode a colt up Ayrs Rock
See his legs weren't made for walking they were made for riding stock
A legend
round the rodeo from allaroon to broom
An untired horse at 6am was saddle broke by noon
No form of equine foolery he wasn't game to try
Only one thing ever spooked him,
He was so scared to fly.
Well if I
was meant to fly he said
I'd have feathers and a beak,
You fly and waste a day and I'll drive and waste a week
I hear they're safe as houses and mechanically they're sound
But I don't see no rope or bridle so I'm staying on the ground
One day
Bill got a call from his mate in Adelaide,
He'd got his girl in trouble and the wedding cards were played
He said, Mate I don't care how you do it you can beg or steel or borrow
But Mate you're gunna have to catch the plane, coz the big day is
tomorrow.
Billy
cursed and spat it "That dopey bloody coot!
He knows I'll jump on anything that's coming out a chute
I've caught stallions that'd kill you, caught bulls gone off their brain
But I never thought there'd come a day I'd have to catch a
plane!"
Bill legged it to the airport
and thought "Well this is it"
The lady at the counter asked "Where would you like to sit?"
He said "You know that black box thing they always seem to find
"Well you can stick me right in side it if you wouldn't bloody
mind"
She gave a friendly smile and
"Sir I'll just take your bag"
He said "I don't bloody think so, 'n by the way it's called a
swag."
Bill was sweatin' buckets when they finally cleared the strip
He had his seatbelt on that tight he was bleedin' from the hip
But then they levelled out he
stopped shakin at the knees
Looked around , relaxed 'n thought "This flyin' game's a
breeze"
We clipped his belt undone, stretched out in his seat
Well he couldn't stretch that much 'cause his swag was at his feet.
Then the captain crackled
something, Bill asked the hostess what was said
"Sir you'd better buckle up there's some turbulence ahead:
Turbulence - what's that?" "Sir it's pockets caused by heat
"And when it gets severe it can throw you from your seat."
"Throw me, I'll be
buggered," Bill pushed his seat right back,
Wrapped his legs around his swag and stuck his left hand through the
strap
He jammed down his Akubra, he was ready now to ride
Then things got pretty bumpy and Billy yelled "Outside!"
The plane she dropped a thousand
feet, bounced up five hundred more
When his head hit the roof, his backside hit the floor!
"I've rode all through the Territory and never come unstuck
So give me all you've got big bird - buck you bastard buck!"
And while the passengers were
screaming in fear of certain death
Billy whooped and hollered 'til he near ran out of breath
You would' thought that canvas swag was welded to his ass
And before the ringer knew it he's bucked up to business class
There seemed no way to tame
this creature, it had ten gears and reverse
But that didn't worry Billy, he just bucked on through to first
He did somersaults with twists on this mongrel mount from hell
He yelled out to the pilot "for Christ sake ring the bell!"
Bill was bleeding from the
bugle, he had cuts above both eyes
If you weren't there on the spot ya probably think I'm tellin' lies
He'd been upside down and inside out, done flips and triple spins
Ya might a' seen some great tides in your time but hands down Billy wins
The flight returned to normal,
Bill was flat out on the deck
Still stuck to his swag but he looked a bloody wreck
He pulled himself together, stood up straight and raised his hat
He said "I've had some tough trips in me day but never one like
that."
"an eight-second spin in
Alice proves your made of sturdy stuff
But I was on there a near a minute and I reckon that's enough."
The first class folk were dumbstruck at this crazy ringer's feat
but Bill just grabbed a XXXX beer and walked back to his seat.
Now years have passed and Bill's
long give the buckin' game away
Too many breaks and dusty miles for far too little pay
Now plane's are not a worry, in fact he'd rather fly than ride
"N when you talk about his maiden voyage his chest puffs out with
pride
"You can talk about your
Rocky Neds or that old Chainsaw bloke
I'd ride 'em both without a rope and roll a bloody smoke
There's cowboys 'round who think they're hot, well they aint tasted heat
"Til they've ridden time on Turbulence at 30 3000 feet."
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